Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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