true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
