so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I cut my penus on the lid.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
