Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
