Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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