There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
