So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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