I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
