i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
There are leaves in my underwear?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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