why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
