Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
