Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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