I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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