woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
