The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
