i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
