ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
pop tarts are not kleenex
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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