We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
