That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
