She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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