my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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