so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
