from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
