Swine flu. Run for my life!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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