omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you traded sex for a burrito?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
