Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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