does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I faked an abortion last night.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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