first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
