i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
