The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
