i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
