If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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