dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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