Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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