there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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