I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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