He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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