I hate your face
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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