Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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