Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so let's talk penis.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
