I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
