Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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