Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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