So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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