I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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