so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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