He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
