i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
