So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
