Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
